In the shadows....

Quite. Reflective.
It is evening and all is so calm. Kids are in bed and hubby is gone. This is the best time of day for me. Well, maybe not the best time, but it is my favorite time. Time to withdraw into self and work on tuning out the day. Although, I never really let go of work. It is to much a part of who I am.
It is my time to think.
So many thoughts run rampant through my head. As I delve deeper into myself the silence of my thoughts is almost deadly tonight. Almost afraid to think. Maybe, afraid of what I will think.
As I think over the last year, loss comes to mind.
Lost friends. Lost opportunities. Potential loss.
Deployments are emotionally and physically hard. As this possibility looms over my head, I can't but think of what that time will bring. Laughter and Tears. Sorrows and Joy. Counting the days, and thanking the powers that be for allowing safety to my husband and my friends for one more day. I have always said:

" Accidents happen everyday, anyone I love or care for can easily get hurt or die here in the
states. I would rather them be doing something they believe in, then it be meaningless."

I think after this last year, I have seriously re-thought that statement.

I lost a friend this year. He died honorably, and it suited him. Although the circumstance was NOT how we expected him to go.
I also lost an acquaintance. His death was not so honorable, and unfortunately, we did expect that. Just nothing any of us could do.
Both service members. And both missed terribly.
Why I am thinking of this tonight, tonight of all nights is beyond me.
Maybe it was something SGT O stated to me today. Maybe it was that conversation......one will never know.
Even thought the deployment itself is hard itself to deal with, it is nothing compared to the roller coaster of preparing oneself for the actual event.
I want to be on the beach, right now, at this very spot. (The picture above)
and stop time.
to forever live that moment........that moment of perfect framing, the sun coming up......and the quite.